July State of Affairs – The Art of Falling Apart

Hello from the Other Side.

I find it hard to believe that we are already on the back half of the year. It’s all downhill from here.

I was prepared to make this entry something of a lamenting of my fate over recent events, but, sitting down to do it I’ve decided against it. Someone said to me just the other day, “Count your blessings.” And to be perfectly honest, when they said it I was prepared to tell them exactly where they could go ahead and shove their blessings. But I thought better of it. Thankfully. Because again, to be perfectly honest, despite all that I feel I’ve been in a downward spiral for months I do have quite a few blessings to count. Not least of which I’m alive and breathing and any day above ground is a good day. At least when you consider the alternative (not being alive and breathing and being below ground for those wondering).

For all that I’ve been falling apart, I have not yet been broken. And that’s saying something, because not a few times have I felt like I was at that terrible breaking point. And yet, here I am. Upright and moving forward. Choosing to see the dark spots and downward spirals as learning experiences. Moments in my life that I can grow from. Moments that I can use to make me stronger. I’ve never been a huge fan of Nietzsche’s thought that the things that don’t kill us make us stronger. Typically I feel like whatever doesn’t kill us just leaves a scar. But more and more these days, as I collect scars, I see that there’s a kernel of truth in his words.

Our scars, both mental and physical, are stories and reminders. Stories we tell ourselves to remind ourselves, “I lived through this. I am still here.” And in some way, we grow stronger from that. In the words of Kahlil Gibran, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Anyways. I digress. This is supposed to be a post about the future, about things going forward. Sisyphus ever rolling his rock up his hill, moving forward. Ever onward.

So with that in mind: the future.

I finally finished the first round of edits on the final book in my Grey Days series. Sacred Engines is even now being sent out to wily eyed and canny individuals for beta reading and proofing. It’s an exciting thing. One more step forward towards it being released into the world and into the hands of readers. In the mean time, while waiting to hear back from my various beta readers, I get to keep myself busy with art work for the interior, as well as writing the promised short story to accompany the book, “Tuesdays with Merlin.” I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s an integral story in the life of one Thomas Grey. One that delves into his past and shows us a younger, much more brash character than the one we’ve come to know in the books themselves.

Times are exciting. Times are moving forward. Despite the falls and the falling apart, we have to keep moving forward. Ever perfecting not just the art of falling apart, but the art of putting myself back together and growing stronger for it.

As always, take care. Be kind to yourself, and stay tuned.

M.

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